I haven’t talked much about The Big Guy on this blog. I try to keep him out of it for the most part, except for the occasional complaint or compliment. Plus, the blog is my thing, not his, and while he’s really supportive, I don’t want to force it on him.
Today, however, I’m going to talk about him, because I want to talk about something near, and dear to my heart. It’s frugal, it’s trendy, and I believe that it makes for a happier marriage.
What is it?
I haven’t made a secret of the fact that he and I eloped when we were 19, but maybe I should, because I get many, many negative comments about it. But, I don’t regret it one bit! In fact, I think elopement should become the norm!
A LIttle Background, Maybe?
The Big Guy and I were 14 when we met at church camp. His sister and I were on camp staff together, and she introduced us. He was tall, tan, and adorable, and I was smitten. But, he had a girlfriend. He was 14, but still. He asked for my number, and for 2 years, we “talked” (whatever that means).
It may sound romantic, or maybe even immature, but even at 14 I wasn’t looking for a casual relationship. I was looking for a husband. And while I wasn’t sure that The Big Guy was “the one,” as I got to know him for 2 years, I started to realize that I wasn’t just waiting for some cute guy, I was waiting for my husband.
When I was 16, and he was 17, the man FINALLY asked me out. But, he lived 2 ½ hours away. It was tough, having a long distance relationship while we were so young, and since I’m the eldest child in my family as well as the only girl, you can only imagine how protective my parents were. But The Big Guy did it right, asking my father if he could date me, and always coming to see me, rather than me to see him. Perfect gentleman, isn’t he?
We dated long distance for 2 years, through his enlistment, basic training and Advanced Individual Training, seeing each other one weekend a month, writing letters, and talking on the phone whenever we could. And we didn’t just talk about fluffy stuff. We talked about our goals and dreams, whether we wanted kids, what our financial priorities were, where we wanted our career paths to go, and where we wanted to live. We were truly preparing for marriage.
When we were 19, The Big Guy proposed. Of course, he did the right way, asking my Dad’s permission first.
My dad told him no.
Actually what he said is “You’re too good for my daughter.”
Yeah. You read that right.
Growing up with a woman-hating sociopath for a father is a story for another time that I myself haven’t quite dealt in my own mind with but suffice to say the Big Guy and I said F*** you to him, and never looked back. Those of you that have kids, can you imagine saying that your daughter wasn’t good enough for her intended spouse? …yeah, me neither.
At any rate, when we decided to get engaged and start planning a marriage despite my father’s lack of permission, he disowned me, and by extension would not let my mother see me. But I knew that I needed to leave a bad situation, and that my mother had made her choice by staying with him, so The Big Guy and I made the difficult decision to move and plan our life together.
All of this is to say that for us, a big church wedding wasn’t an option. I hadn’t really wanted one, and was only planning on doing it for my family’s sake, but after everything with my father unfolded, elopement became a very real option.
And you know what, even though our elopement story wasn’t born out the best circumstances in my situation, it is one of the best things we have ever done.
The Big Guy and I were married at a courthouse on February 11, 2010. It was low-key, stress-free, and very inexpensive. I believe that everyone should elope. Why?
Why Should Everyone Elope?
It saves money:
Our wedding cost us exactly $35. Of course, we did not take pictures or wear any special clothes, but even if you choose to take some photos or wear more traditional bride and groom clothing, eloping can save you bundles of money! A family member with a good eye for photography and a nice camera would many times be happy to take some photos for you the day of your elopement. Even if no family is in attendance, some photos by a professional would only run you a few hundred dollars. The same goes for simple wedding clothes – a couple hundred dollars, tops. Of course, we bought our rings, and in total they cost us a bit less than $600.
It keeps the day stress-free
With a traditional wedding, so much stress goes into the day. It all starts with the pressure on the guy to propose in a creative and memorable way. He even has to have a surprise photographer. Then starts the wedding planning. There are thousands of little details the bridge and her team and expected to not only make ready, but make perfect for all of the guests. When did we take the emphasis off the what the bride and groom want, and put it on what others think?
It makes your marriage better.
Why are we, as a culture, so focused on social media standing? Why are we obsessed with secret proposal photographers? So we can post the awesome pictures on our facebook and instagram accounts and watch the “likes” and comments add up? Are we truly wanting others to share our joy with others, or are we just trying to impress people we don’t actually know?
Studies have shown that 80% of facebook friends aren’t actually people we are friends with in real life. They’re people we knew in high school, once worked with, or long-lost relatives. So why do we go to all of the expense and stress of elaborate proposals, and extravagant weddings?
Are we concentrating so hard on the big wedding dress reveal so that we can preserve the memories in photos years later, or do we actually want something to make our friends think “man, I want to be like them” or “she looks so beautiful?” When did it become like this?
What would happen if we took the emphasis off the proposal, the dress, and the cake, and instead put it on supporting the couple, and ensuring that they have prepared for every mundane and difficult aspect of married life.
We need to stop the madness, and focus on us.
Let’s focus on whether we are in tune with our intended spouses, how our goals and dreams line up, and where our financial priorities lie. Let’s focus on preparing our hearts and minds for marriage, so that when we are married, we can work as a team.
Let’s stop spending thousands on a wedding dress, and instead put it towards our forever home. Instead of having a plated filet mignon dinner at the rehearsal, let’s focus on helping those less fortunate – as a couple.
Let’s step away from the madness of coordinating bridesmaids dresses, and let’s think about how we’ll handle chores with our kids. Let’s stop complaining about how stressful wedding planning is, and be thankful for the simple things in life.
My friends, let’s get away from what other people think, and let’s focus on us.
…..just elope :-)
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Wow. I am sorry to hear that your parents were so unsupportive. Just wow.
I don’t see anything wrong with eloping. We didn’t elope but we had a really small wedding and two separate receptions. It didn’t cost as much and we didn’t start our marriage off with wedding debt. I personally think that big, expensive weddings are overrated.
Nice! It sounds like you struck the perfect balance between creating awesome memories and not spending a ton of money :-)
It sounds like you guys made the best decision for you. And good for your husband for not listening to your father! I’m all for elopement if that’s what you prefer. It allows you to focus on the marriage and not just the wedding.
Exactly!
wow, that’s quite the story. I don’t want to elope simply because I have such strong family and cultural ties and I want to celebrate with all those people. But I also don’t want to blow 30k. I almost want to redefine the wedding as a casual party.
Yeah, it’s the costs that really get me. The day should be about memories and family, not extravagance!
Oh my goodness–I can’t believe your dad said that! How awful! Congrats to you for making it all work on your own terms! I agree, people get so caught up in preparing for the wedding that they forget to prepare for the marriage. We had a pretty big church wedding, and while we loved it and don’t regret it, it’s just a fond memory now (6 years later). It’s everything that’s happened since then that has defined our lives and our love together as a couple. Thank you for this post!
Yeah, and that’s why I said “adios” – It’s awesome to hear of couple who don’t get overwhelmed with extravagance, but instead focus on their marriage.
yes yes and yes. the entire bit about social media is So true. weddings are basically a pissing contest these days. Who spent more on their wedding? Who had a better dress? Who had a more expensive per-plate venue? All for what? “Comments” and “likes” from people you dont even talk to? — more than half of which are probably talking sh*t about you anyway? SO TRUE!
Yep! There are some people that do it right, but they’re always the ones you don’t see or hear much about :-)
This was so wonderful to read, and truly inspiring! My fiance and I of 8 years are eloping later this fall or early spring of next year. I was never the type to dream or want a big wedding, and because we are not financially well off enough to host a huge wedding (let alone our parents) we finally decided that was just easier to elope. My dress cost less than $50, and our rings will be around $600. Saving money, and eloping instead is not a sin…I see nothing wrong with it whatsoever, and everyone involved is not stressed out. All that matters is that at the end of the day you are with the person you love regardless if anyone else agrees or disagrees with the way your marriage took place. Good for you, and thanks for posting this!!! :)
How fun – and congratulations! The only thing I would say is to make sure you have pictures. I don’t have any and I regret it!
I’m sorry you got married without the support of your family and I’m sorry you’ve gotten negative feedback about your elopement. That, especially, I don’t understand. It was your wedding – who cares how you chose to do it? Sometimes people really suck.
My husband and I didn’t elope but we did have a ‘cheap’ wedding in his parents’ backyard with a sandwiches and salads buffet. We spent the night before cooking a turkey and a roast for it. His mom did a ham. I think the whole thing cost us $3,000 at the most? We, as you say, had a wedding for the memories and family, not the party. We had no bride (or groom) -zilla moments, and no stress. It was lovely and simple.
That’s what I think – it’s my wedding! It sounds like your wedding was lovely! It focused on creating awesome memories and a marriage that lasts – congratulations!
Whoa, your father doesn’t sound very nice :( I’m glad you two went through with it though!
I’ve thought about eloping many times, with maybe a small handful of closest friends and family there. I dunno. We’re just not doing the marriage thing right now :) We’re going to be perpetually engaged it seems.
hahaha…whatever works ;-)
Thank you for sharing your incredibly personal story. Similar to Stefanie, I’d be in big trouble if I eloped because I have such a massive and tight-knit family. But the idea is incredibly appealing to me. My beef starts with the engagement ring. I don’t even want anything more than a band with a Celtic knot inscribed. Why the need to drop thousands on a gem?
I love the idea of the day actually being about the two people getting married and not worrying if your long-lost aunt got her vegan meal. My perfect wedding would be a 20 person ceremony with the people we truly care about with a huge dance party at a bar afterwards. No fancy dinner, just a lot of good music, good drinks and tons of dancing with my loved ones.
Oh my, the family wrath! What matters most is that you’re focused on making memories and your commitment to your partner, not spending tons of money to impress people you don’t even care about! And, I really love your idea for the celtic knot ring. Beautiful, understated, and elegant!
I totally agree with you, however, I did not manage it. I did the whole ‘big’ wedding for my parents (they paid) and family. If I had it to do over, I would have gotten married with the priest (we are Catholic), but I would have forgone the whole expected wedding party stuff. I did not enjoy the planning or the fact that when I tried to save money, the ‘industry’ seemed so against me. As it was, I picked up my flowers the day of a Kroger. I had one bridesmaid (my best friend), and she wore the dress of her choice – a bridesmaid dress from another wedding. I didn’t have a bouquet.
Long story short, if I had it to do again, I would totally elope.
It’s nice to have someone agree with me who has done that whole big wedding thing – but I am sorry that you regret it! What is important is your marriage, not when or how you got married.
You’re right, Gretchen. We are 11 years strong and baby #3 is close at hand. Our life together is something I will never regret. :)
We married at the courthouse too! We’ve never regretted the choice not to have a big wedding.
Nice! Quick and simple is my kind of wedding!
We eloped! Best time ever! There are some major issues with my family, and neither of us wanted to be the center of attention at a traditional wedding. (Gawd, it was bad enough going to the clerk’s office to get our official marriage certificate done a couple month’s later – the Mexico boat wedding wasn’t “legal”. The clerk wanted to watch us kiss after he signed the papers and I was like, “um, that’s kindof creepy”.)
So when we were on vacation in Mexico, we hired a boat captain to take us out and marry us on his boat for our elopement. Then we snorkeled and ate amazing Mexican food for dinner. The whole thing was < $250. We tell everyone we know who recently got engaged that they should consider eloping. It's a shame fewer people don't do it.
That sounds awesome – and beautiful! How many years have you been married? Regardless, here’s to many more years!
5 years now. Seems like they went by so fast!
Wow – I know what you mean! We are coming up on 5 years and I’m like “Whoa! What happened?””
Got married in capris in my backyard by a guy who was my husbands friend in highschool whom got ordained online. ;)
Our wedding cost the price of a marriage certificate and a couple rings.
Sounds like my kind of wedding! I swear people who elope fight less ;-)
My hub’s and I did what I would consider one step above eloping. We lived over 2000 miles away from our families who also lived 2000 miles apart. So we got a nice dress and a suit, some rings, a photographer and a small chapel in Vegas. All in all the wedding was under $1000 including going to and from Vegas, room, etc. Then we spent another $2000 in airfare traveling across the country (Pennsylvania & Louisiana) to celebrate with family. I have two co-workers who are planning weddings now and I always say how happy I am that I saved the money and “quasi-eloped”. If I had to do it over again we probably would have done even less! I think the best thing about eloping is that you focus on your marriage instead of a wedding
I wish I had eloped…..Thank you for linking up to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Party. I have pinned your post to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest board.
Its the way to go :-)
Haha aww, I love this story. I think this is the way I’d like to do it, with just a small ceremony. I’m timid when there is a lot of people around. I don’t want a ton of people there to feed and hear them complain, haha. I’m glad you and the big guy are happy. I love hearing love stories.
Thank you – and I’m with you! I hate being the center of attention!
When I first read this post I was like “NO WAY!” I said that because, despite the costs, our wedding day was something special we’ll remember forever, and I couldn’t have imagined it any other way. With that being said, reading your story it makes sense why you would advocate elopement and I think maybe it’s time we start getting rid of some of the negative connotations related to it (i.e. you are selfish, you don’t care about others who would want to be there on your wedding day, etc.).
Yeah, this is a topic that people have a lot of strong feelings about…..can I ask about how much your wedding cost?
I think that I would be looking for a happy medium in between. I think the idea of 30k weddings is not the best use of money, but at the same time I would want to spend the day with my good friends and family celebrating together. It wouldn’t have to be fancy, but having a time to spend with friends to just celebrate would be a time I wouldn’t forget.
Yeah, I can’t imagine spending 30K on a wedding – spending a small amount on an intimate wedding, absolute – but 30K is 3/4 of what I paid for my house!
You’ve already had a chorus of agreement here so I feel fine about putting in a dissenting opinion. I would be very sad if everyone eloped because I love celebrating the start of our friends’ and family members’ marriages with them. We wanted a wedding that included our community because we want support from our community for our marriage and this is a way of formally acknowledging their roles in our lives. Obviously you had a very difficult family situation that you were coming from so maybe you didn’t have that option or it would be too painful to try to pursue it, so I’m not saying that you should have had any different kind of wedding than what you did. But likewise I don’t agree that everyone should elope.
I think that having a traditional type of wedding did make us focus on our marriage (though I will grant you the expense and the stress points!) because of the community involvement as I stated above and that we got to go through an extensive premarital counseling course through our church. Spending the time and effort to prepare for our marriage alongside planning our wedding was a crucial period of development for us and I hope that everyone, whether they are eloping or having a traditional wedding of whatever size, will make it a priority. I get a bit tired of wedding-bashing in the PF blogosphere as I’m sure you get tired of the snide comments about your choice to elope. I’m sure everyone tries to make the best choices they can with the information and resources they have available.
I really enjoyed that you shared the story of how you and your husband met and started dating. It’s wonderful that you have had such a long relationship and that you prioritized getting to know the important stuff about one another.
No worries – dissenting opinions are welcome, as long as they’re polite:-) I can definitely appreciate wanting community and family support, and wanting to make that a large part of your wedding, and I also love that you had to complete premarital counseling. Regardless of whether we agree on how to get married, it sounds like your wedding was awesome – and very focused on your marriage rather than impressing others!
A very interesting perspective, and sorry to hear that your family pushed you into marrying without the support that you should have had; however, you seem to have made the right choice! Thanks for linking up to the parenting pin it party. Regards
Thanks for stopping by!
Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your father. What a horrible thing to say to your future husband!
I personally think you should get married however you want, but my husband and I were not fans of eloping. We had a very small destination wedding though (15 people, including us) and it was perfect. We could not have asked for anything better. My family lives on the East Coast and my husband’s family lives on the West Coast, so a destination wedding was what worked for us.
Well, if I wasn’t such a big fan of eloping, a destination wedding would definitely be second on my list!
Whoa, I’m so sorry to hear your dad said that. My father-in-law had less than pleasant feelings towards me in the beginning… which is kinda why we eloped too. We spent a couple thousand doing it, but we got to do everything our way, had nice meals, nice lodging, and nobody even knew about it. I wouldn’t have changed a thing :)
Ugh, that sucks, but most people I know really enjoyed their elopement! Glad to hear you did too!
Wow, I’m sorry to hear your family was so unsupportive! I’m going to have to respectfully disagree that everyone should elope, because I did have a wedding and I have no regrets about it. It was very important to both of us that we get married in the church, and since I married older than the norm, I think it honestly would have been a slap in the face to the friends and family members who had done so much to support me over the long, lonely years of being single if I’d excluded them from celebrating such a big answer to prayer. (On a more shallow note, as a girl who’s been making my own clothes since I was a kid, I could NOT pass up the opportunity to make the ultimate party dress!) We did a lot of DIY, I had awesome friends who stepped in to do things like the ceremony music/my hair/the groom’s cake as gifts to us, and we kept it as on-budget and casual as we could. Everyone who talked to me about it later said they had a blast, and I wouldn’t trade that day for any elopement, personally. But that was what was right for me and my husband, and every couple has to decide what is the best fit for them. I have other friends who have eloped and wouldn’t trade that experience in, either.
Whoa! You have the skills to make your own wedding dress! As a person who doesn’t sew even a little bit, that’s awesome! And I definitely think you’re right that everyone’s focus is a bit different, and many people do manage to pull off big church weddings for very little money and still keep the focus on the marriage :-)
I’m so sorry to hear that your dad was unsupportive of you, but glad that you two evidently made the right decision! :] I’ve been telling my friends that if I ever find someone awesome enough to want to marry, I will likely elope as well (for basically all the reasons listed above).
Fantastic!
I wish that I eloped. I look back, and even though I loved my wedding and wouldn’t change it, financially, I would have loved to save all of that money. We could have had a smaller event when we got back.
so true!
Good for you doing it on your own terms! And what you are saying is so true – marriage is not about that one fairytale (with lots of stress) day. Now if going to the courthouse is not your thing then there are officiants that would meet you at a park or something for a low key ceremony. Lots of options these days.
Stacy
That’s true – having something low-key and non traditional is in vogue right now! It’s great for people who want to save money or just be a little different!
I definitely agree that weddings have become way too much of a “production” these days and it blows my mind that people would start out their marriage by going into debt for wedding extravagance. Since we are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka Mormons), my husband and I were married and sealed in an LDS temple, a setting that is indescribably beautiful, but a recommend of worthiness is required to be married there instead of a venue fee. :) For us it was not expensive to keep things simple and have a beautiful and memorable wedding day. I think it’s people’s expectations that have caused some people to make their weddings so elaborate and I think you’re right that it’s been fueled by social media and the desire to one-up your friends, which is not where the focus should be at all.
I am sorry your Dad was so hurtful to you, you seem like a wonderful lady.
Big weddings are kind of crazy aren’t they? I just don’t get the whole “look at me” part of our society I guess.
Thank you for stopping by the Thoughtful Spot Weekly Blog Hop this week. We hope to see you drop by our neck of the woods next week!
Thanks so much for sharing with Wednesday’s Adorned From Above Link Party.
Debi @ Adorned From Above
” Are we truly wanting others to share our joy with others, or are we just trying to impress people we don’t actually know?” LOVE THIS! So perfectly describes everything wrong with weddings these days!
I totally agree with this! We didnt elope, but we only had 8 people (immediate family) at our wedding and we planned it in just 8 weeks. It was super cheap and stress free! I think people make too big a deal about a wedding and forget to focus on the MARRIAGE! Glad I found you through the wednesday round up!
We’re so excited about your post and its being featured right now on The Wednesday Roundup Link Party! As a featured post, this one is also now pinned to our Link Partys Pinterest Board. Come on by and check it out! http://www.pinterest.com/anglemoine/the-wednesday-roundup-features/
Thanks Angela!
I’m so glad you shared this at Living Proverbs 31.
While elopement wasn’t in my plans, I had always wanted a small imediate family wedding and then after we returned from our honeymoon to have a large reception and be able to celebrate with friends and extended family.
Oh course my husband’s family ends up being clear across the US from us so it wasn’t really possible to have it my way and have his family at both wedding and the 2 week later reception.
All in all, I love how our wedding turned out. We didn’t pay much over 3k for everything and it was a lot of fun. Right down to the fact that my wedding cake decided to fall over!
I commend you for speaking about something that many don’t “approve” of (like it matters) and wanted to say that it’s awesome you were able to do it and even better that it saved you cash.
Weddings are crazy expensive and I agree that in alot of cases, your way makes perfect sense. Although my wife and I didn’t elope, we did have a frugal wedding and cut every corner possible so it was barely noticeable to our finances.
Too many people fall victim to the marketing aspect of weddings and spend WAY too much on them. The word has programmed us to think the more we spend, the better our experience and it simply isn’t the case.
I’m done rambling, but thanks for the read!
I am all for eloping. Something about weddings just seems miserable to me. People stare at you all day. It costs so much. You might as well go into your backyard and just burn a pile of money.
I’d much rather elope and then have an informal “come meet my husband” BBQ in my parents backyard when the weather is nicer. Now to just find a husband that can get onboard with that. ;o)
Ugh…hate being the center of attention. I love your idea of a “come meet my husband barbecue!”
I had a biggish wedding, and I could probably write a blog on how to pull it off on a dime. I made some mistakes, but I got my wedding dress from a consignment shop for $250, our rings were from etsy, and cost $66 together. Skipped the cake and served pie instead.
It’s still a very stressful thing, just the planning. We planned a big wedding because I wanted to get to know my extended family, which was a flop. Also, no matter how much you break your back to please everyone, someone will call you cheap or tacky if you are thrifty, self-absorbed if it’s beautiful. Weddings are as much about endings as they are beginnings. I had a son and we are moving far away. I wish I could go back and invite only the family and friends I would describe as close. Or that we had eloped. There was a time when weddings were just pretty cake and punch affairs, wasn’t there?
Your wedding sounds awesome – and I love your reasons for doing it, getting to see your family! You should totally write about it – interested in guest posting?
Sure! I could write a guest post. I learned a lot doing my wedding and then helping a friend plan a budget wedding. Some things I wouldn’t have bought if I knew then what I know now. I would definitely write on that “from experience” perspective you get afterwards.
I love your story because it’s real. My fiance and I are going to elope in June and I couldn’t be happier. No, my family will not like the news, which is a big reason we are going this route instead of a wedding. But life has thrown me curve balls and my perspective has changed a lot in the last couple years. A lot of people put too much emphasis on weddings and all that it entails (my family is very traditional in that way,drives me nuts!)
But it has been made very clear to me lately how precious and fast life is. We love each other and that’s all we need. We dont want to wait. We dont want fancy or elegant. We’re going to have a private and very simple beach ceremony with just us and I simply cannot wait to become his wife. I love eloping stories :)
Love your story! I am 22 and single but I have worked in the wedding industry for over a year and a half now. Growing up I always wanted the big wedding, but being around ‘bridezilla’ for so long you begin to realize what is really important in life. Thank you for painting this beautiful picture for all of us!
Thank you thank you thank you!! I wish more people thought like this. We eloped and I don’t regret it at all. Im sorry to hear about your family situation though. Mine was different but my family had issues with my relationship and since my family is Christian (except for me) and his is Muslim, one side would have been unhappy with the wedding itself regardless of how we did it. It just didn’t make sense for us financially or otherwise. Total cost with the rings (including my engagement ring) was around $700/800
aww! I love your story! Except the parents part. That is just awful!
I couldn’t have found this article at a better time. My fiancé and I got engaged a few months ago and while I had always dreamed of a big fancy wedding, lately I’m completely turned off of the idea. The cost is overwhelming, the planning will definitely be time consuming and all for what? To show everyone on facebook how great and rich we are? Lame!
Truth is, it almost physically hurts me to spend money haha. I’m glad there are other people out there that think so frugally and simply. Thanks for the advice and congrats on your happy marraige :)
Congratulations on your engagement Jaymie! While I wouldn’t recommend the parents part of my story to anyone, I’m so happy you’re considering cost-effective options!
I’m so glad I came across your story. My fiancee is 71 and I’m 56, we’ve both been married before, and we wanted to involve all of our adult childre in our wedding, but his children have been troublesome during our planning, so we’ve decided just to elope, which at first I was unsure about but now am excited! We’ve been together for 10 years, seems like there’s a lot of jealousy issues with his kids. I truly believe adult stepkids are harder to deal with than younger stepchildren. Planning our Wedding is so much fun now without their added stress. He wanted a party after but we’re not even doing that, gonna spend that money on us going away. Everyone should Elope!!! (Except my daughter, haha!)
Congratulations!
I’m so sorry to hear about your father and mother’s actions toward you. You are so brave and I respect you so much for making a decision that is right for you and your life. May you and your husband have a long and happy marriage together.
We eloped too! Our situation was different than yours, but it worked for us. I don’t know if elopement is for everyone, but weddings do get really out of hand. Too much stress, too much money and too much focus on things that don’t really matter. It is about the marriage for the rest of your life, not that one day. Thanks for sharing your story.