What do you and your spouse fight about?
Experts say that couples fight about three things: money, kids & sex. We fight about all 3 at times, but our budget is definitely the point of most contention. He wants gas to go places during the day in our SUV, but I want him to only go places 2x per week to save gas. He wants to grab subway on the way home, and because I’m hungry, I agree.
But even though I’m the saver and he’s the spender, It’s not his fault.
It would be so easy to place the blame all on him. After all, during this month’s budget update we were over in groceries, gas, and gifts! I see that negative cash flow number at the bottom of our budget and know that we had to pull money out of savings to cover it, and I’m disappointed. But not in my husband.
See, when I told him how over-budget we were, he was shocked. And then quiet. And it was in that moment that I realized I had left him out of the loop. The loop that we fight about the most. The loop that will ensure our success or failure in the future.
It’s my fault.
I was mad, disappointed, and frustrated. But then I put a stop to those feelings. Now that I’m done feeling disappointed in myself, I’m taking action. I am determined to make keeping my husband in the financial loop a habit.
So I’m implementing weekly budget check-ins, for October. I’m going to check in on the blog, and with my husband each week regarding where out budget is at, what expenses we have coming up, and how much we can spend for the rest of the month.
And it think it’s going to work.
In the midst of all this, I’ve learned 3 things. These 3 things will not be easy to keep in mind, or to carry out. But when I do them, they will make my marriage and our finances stronger. Read on and see if you agree:
Communication is so important
Communication is the foundation of any relationship. Without communication there is no relationship, and shouldn’t marriage be the best of relationships? It is so unfair of me to blindside my husband with our budget failures when I kept him out of the loop. However, with the implementation of weekly budget check-ins, I hope to revive the communication about our finances.
We are teammates, not rivals
So often, couples get caught up in the day-to-day work and pettiness that exists in a marriage. Rather than looking at the big picture, we can only see the annoyances. By taking a moment, stepping back, and realizing that we are in this together, we are made stronger. We have the same goals, and (many) of the same dreams. We need to work together!
Our marriage is more important than our budget
If it came down to it, I would choose our marriage over our budget every day. However, I believe that if I’m communicating adequately with my teammate, my husband, a budget can only strengthen our relationship, get us even more on the same page. I am guilty of letting the budget overshadow our marriage, and that ends now.
Have you ever felt like you communication was lacking in your marriage?
Like you were on opposite teams, not the same?
Like the budget is the only thing that matters?
Well you’re not alone.
Sometimes failure is a good thing. In this case, it was a budget failure – or rather, 3 months of budget failure. Failure can cause you to take a moment and reflect, gain some perspective and then go at it again with renewed vigor, like it did in my case.
And that’s never a bad thing.
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